The way I am...

I’m so confident its ridiculous & I think its only because of the fact that when I was younger growing up in the islands older men would always tell me how smooth and pretty my skin was. It was always the older people, never anyone in my age group. I guess its because society told them that light skinned = pretty.. At any rate, when I was about 8 or 9 I went to my dad and asked “why didn’t you make my mom a dominican or puerto rican?!” He sat me down and said to me “I love beautiful dark women and I wanted a beautiful dark daughter.” I didn’t understand then, but as I got older everything I heard before started to make sense. My skin is the same, I don’t break out and I’m happy for it. Thats why when people tell me “you’re pretty for a dark skin girl” the only part I hear is “you’re pretty.”

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blinders.

I've had my share of deadbeats. Lawd knows I have. I guess that's why I say/do the things I do. I've had my share of experiences. I wake up every morning to a picture of my husband. Say/think what you will but he is the GREATEST thing I've ever had. & the funny thing is when we argue I think of every name in the book I can think of to call him but when the guns withdraw I love him wholeheartedly. He may not be a 10 on somebodies scale but I'm the one that has to wake up to him every morning & I think that sumabitch is gorgeous. & my opinion is the only one that matters. I go threw tumblr & twitter profiles seeing all these lonely ungrateful females bitching about the wrong things. Appreciate what YOU have. Why are you using the next bitch to validate what you feel?! Thats not happiness, hun. Your insecurities will cause you to be sitting up in the house bitter & disgruntled.

"Can't believe that it's over baby, but every bruise on my heart, you gave me."

Now, if he's genuinely a piece-of-shit nigga by all means get rid of him. No one should have to put up with that. I've been on both ends of the spectrum. I've been the one holding the cards & the bitch getting dealt the shitty hand. Trust me, there is no better feeling than when you finally free yourself from that raggedy, ratchet ass bitch. I'm not saying your not going to "miss what y'all had" but once you realize that it wasnt much in the first place, you'll sing a different tune. I've had 2, maybe 3 ex's that were genuinely good people. Everybody aint for you. YOU are the only person that can truly keep your best interest at heart. Take care of yourself.

updates

I know I havent blogged in a LONG time so let me grace ya'll with a couple updates. i'm fine. tramaine is good. i've began the search for our home & its not as easy as i thought it would be. i mean, i could just move into base housing but whats the fun in that?! this will be my first HOUSE purchase so i plan to make it a good one for me & my family. me & maine plan to start our family within the next couple years so i DEFINITELY take this to heart. i'm also about to purchase another car. i'm thinking something along the lines of a BMW/AUDI.. i mean, i live in Germany so why not?! babe wants a Lexus but i havent seen too many of those here. i guess that'll have to be determined at a later date. our 1 year anniversary is also coming up! one of many gifts i plan to give my babe is me dropping my maiden name (since i had it hyphenated). it was SUPPOSED to be a suprise but we played a little guessing game & babe figured it out sooooo..... thats about it for now. maybe more later :o) ciao!

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advice please!

i'm usually the type of person to figure stuff out on my own but this one's stumping me. i consider myself average (in terms of height & weight).. for my own personal reasons i've been trying different things with my diet & fitness. at one point, i wanted to gain some weight (in hopes that it would all float to my ass & hips, lol). well, that didnt work out exactly as planned. i've been running regularly & my peers are noticing the difference. my body is looking amazing (if i do say so myself :o) lol). what i want to know is this:

WHY IS MY FACE STILL SO FAT?!

how do i slim that?! any suggestions?! all help greatly appreciated...

in my skin.

i've been called every name in the book. it doesn't bother me and it doesn't get me down. i kinda like it. i've had ppl go out there way to anonymously tell me these things. thats the morale booster for me. i think VERY highly of myself. i'm comfortable in my skin & i like ME the way I am. why should i be unhappy with the person that i have to look at in the mirror daily?! thats absurd.

i live w/o regrets. sure, everyone says it but i ACTUALLY live it. if you were having fun while you were doing it & it brought you pleasure why deny it?! i'm honest with myself. that why i can laugh when ppl think they're "telling me something new" about myself. no one knows me better than me.. this is why i appreciate "haters". just b/c someone disagrees with me doesn't classify them as a hater, in my book. thats not where i'm going with this. i call you a hater if you smiled in my face & secretly plotted my demise. i call you a hater if you grudgingly wanted what i had & let your envy overcome you. man, i could go on forever...

really though, we all have a little bit of hate in us. its what drives us sometimes to be great. boundaries are what set us apart though. i don't grudge. you never know what someone had to do (or who they had to fuck, lol) to get where they're at. thats why i work so hard. i know what i'm doing. i know where i'm at. & i know where i'm going.

1.1.2010 ♥

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