Saturday, December 6, 2014

Emotions

My feelings have been so jumbled for so many days. I've decided to do the only thing I know how:
BLOG IT OUT. In light of the recent events within the media, I don't know how to feel. I mean, when things seem so blatant, and for a lack of a better term black and white and then we watch them go left, how are we supposed to react?! I don't watch the news. I don't like how the skew things to fit their agendas. Its a conscious decision I've decided to make. I have the CNN app on my iPhone. I'm kept current usually via casual convos, and social media. I don't speak politics bc I honestly feel I'm not qualified and I own that. I can talk shoes and purses all day long and I hope that doesn't come off ignorant but its what I feel. 

I am raising a gentleman but in raising this young King I am scared. I want my son to know love. And to know that everyone deserves love, despite their color or creed. In the same breathe I don't want him to be naive. I don't want him to be taken advantage of. After reading the #crimingwhilewhite and #whitepriviledge hashtags I've seen that our realities are very different. In the back of my mind there is a fear that I had never consciously thought of. A fear of being black in America. Of being judged. Of being hauled  of jailed bc someone had a bad day. A fear that if I don't do things exactly a certain  way that I could end up in a horrible place. I carry those emotions bc I hope that my son would never have too. Being black in America is frightening. 

I'm afraid that I'll ever be in the shoes of Trayvon's mother. Or Michael's mother. I commend their strength. I don't feel like the punishments their sons endured fit their crimes. Wrong doing does NOT warrant death. No one entity has the right to be judge, jury and executioner. We have been failed. Failed by the same system that haunts us. Keeps us at bay. How can we truly honor a system that spit in our faces?! My heart hurts. How do we move forward?! I don't know. & I am terrified to find out. 

Rest in Love you guys.